Friday, December 31, 2010

A Series of Letters 3 & 4

     3. Dear Spoon,
You make my hot chocolate better every day. The entire world loves you and wishes you the best. People in China all the way to Antarctica all use your wonderful abilities to nourish and strengthen their bodies. I'm am sure that you will outlive and surpass many inventions in this world. I am sorry that you have had much of your fame replaced with Spork. Spork should never have been made. School cafeterias will forever be plagued by it's presence. But I know that you will prevail. Spoons are just so much more likable. How is your good friend fork doing? I have heard he's been going through some tough times. The Spork-itis sure hit him hard. Spoon, I am a fan of you. I can use you to eat everything from soup to maple syrup to Jello to cookie dough. 
Don't follow the crowds of spoons that are getting their tops filed off to look like a spork, I like you just the way you are. Many others do too.
A Critical Instrument

4. Dear Blog,

I love the way you do everything I want. If I say "jump", you say "how high". You help keep me sane. When I write on you, it is like my thoughts and ideas just come together to form something others can actually understand (most of the time). You are the instrument and port to my creativity and instruction. I will always be proud of you and what you show to others. You are like my child. I created you, and am still shaping you day by day. You are my one of my favorite children (don't tell Phone). Whenever I have something I need to say, sometimes to myself, and sometimes to others, you are there to channel my voice. You have the potential to make a difference. Even if it is only in one individual's life. Thank you for not running away and being obedient to only me. I can't lose you very easily either.



What would you guys say to these objects?

Wanted: A Very Happy New Year!

Have you ever typed your name into Google just to see what it digs up?

(Happy New Year's Eve from Google)
I just did. And I got this:

Las Vegas Arrest Record for Michael Boyd

Inmate Name:
Boyd, Michael

Last Arrest Date:
00:00AM 02-04-2010

Conspiracy To Commit A Crime
Counts: 2
Bond: $1,000.00

Ahhh! I knew this day would come! My past has finally caught up with me! 

I won't be able to go to school on Monday. My entire life will now be devoted to hiding. 

 Why does another person have to have my exact name? I feel like I'm seeing myself in the future. A very depressing future. 

I guess I'll just have to stay out of Vegas. Which isn't a bad thing.

Well, the New Year is almost here. Maybe I'll change my ways. 
Time to set some goals. 

1. Stop procrastinating
2. Practice my instruments more diligently
3. Give more hugs

What are some of your goals?

Thursday, December 30, 2010

I'm in a letter writing mood.

And, there are many inanimate objects that I must either thank, or insult, or both.

1. Dear Phone,
Why have you not come back to me? Having no extremities, joints, bone, or muscle is no excuse. I cannot find you, and you must come back. Or else I will replace you. Yes, that was a threat. Aren't I a great father? I'll tell you what son, er, inanimate object, I will continue trying to find you if you promise to stay in one place. I swear you keep moving around. You might even be able to turn invisible. If I don't find you soon, I might end up needing to use the metal detector on you.
Don't make me do it, boy! Er, inanimate object! I will turn this unlimited texting plan around and we will go right back home. Do you hear? Sometimes I think you never listen. Luckily, you do let me listen to others and you let them speak to me. Unfortunately, you are still frozen outside somewhere in my yard, so you are safe from my wrath. Until I find a metal detector! Do not "mom" me! I am your father.
Go to your charger!
Your Fath.... ahem, Your owner

2. Dear Pookie,
You are the best teddy bear a guy could ever hope of owning. Your fur is luscious and soft, your eyes shine like stars in the sky, and it helps enormously that you are half the size of a baby hippo.
I really enjoyed sitting, talking, and even wrestling with you yesterday! It made my day. I truly hope to see you again, and maybe next time I can learn you true identity. I have my guesses. Such as crime-fighting superhero, life-saving jedi master, heartwarming therapist, or a secretive daycare owner.
I want to be just like you! Except for the button you have sown on your rear. That looks painful.
Well, best wishes,
your secret admirer.

I will post another couple letters tomorrow. . .

My Driveway...

...roughly looked like this
This morning.

Luckily, my brother and I were able to shovel most of it away. And scare off almost all of the hungry polar bears.

The funny thing about children, is that many of them seem immune to cold. As my 8 year old brother and I were shoveling our walk, in 20 degree weather with wind chill, my even younger brother decided that he was a penguin. He mostly slid around on our glacier of a driveway and rolled around in the snow. Just looking at him made me shiver. Which is saying something as I enjoy going out during winter with jeans and a T-shirt on.

My bro.

It made me want to go drink hot chocolate. With with a certain Shpoon.

Hopefully this snow will let up. My phone is somewhere in my yard. 6 inches underneath this blizzard. It is strangely liberating though... I didn't get woken up by a call this morning for once!


I need to go make music.
And make up some math homework.
And maybe go digging through some

Why can't global warming speed up just a little?
Just kidding. That was a joke.

Maybe I'll write a letter to the weather.
Or to the government.


Tuesday, December 28, 2010

The Marshmallow Song!

For Christmas this year, my 2 year old brother got a children's boom box toy thing that just loves to play annoying music. Of course, my brother insists on carrying it around the house playing music at the highest decibel level possible. One of these songs really stuck to me though....


The Marshmallow.
(with random illustrations added by me. Thank you, Bing.)
((I will try to get some audio to go with the song...))

Ahem. This song goes to all the people out there who have never eaten a marshmallow, or who would love to be eating one right now.

Marshmallows, Marshmallows,

Oh how I love to eat Marshmallows!

Fluffy and white, on a fire so nice,

Oh how I love to eat Marshmallows!

First I find a perfect stick, one that won't break, and one not too big.

A forked twig is fine, to do two at a time, it's fun to roast Marshmallows!

Marshmallows, Marshmallows, oh how I love to eat Marshmallows!

Fluffy and white, on a fire so nice, oh how I love to eat Marshmellows,

{Merry Little Accordion Interlude}

I poke the Marshmellow with my stick, and I put it in the fire quick,

I turn it around, 'til it's all golden brown, I can't wait to eat my Marshmallow!

Marshmallows, Marshmallows,

Oh how I love to eat Marshmallows!

Fluffy and white, on a fire so nice,

oh how I love to eat Marshmallows,

{Fiddle Solo}

I put the Marshmallow in my mouth.

When I pull on the stick, it slides right off

When roasted just right,

I could eat them all night,

Pass me another Marshmallow!

Marshmallows, Marshmallows,

Oh how I love to eat Marshmallows!

Fluffy and white, on a fire so nice,

Oh how I love to eat Marshmallows,

{Slowing Down Heartrendingly}

Fluffy and white, on a fire so nice,

Oh how I love to eat Marshmallows!

{Dogs and Fat Kids Howl}

Thank you, Thank you,
No really, sit down. Please.

Monday, December 27, 2010

Vegetables are Friends. Not Food.

The fun and liberating thing about having almost no one read my blog is that I don't need to perform for an audience.

I can simply say what I think is important and move along with my life.
See, for me, blogging is a bit tricky.

I enjoy writing, but when I try to write, it feels like a gigantic boulder is rolling towards me and making it hard for me to form sentences and create ideas.

Now I am working on getting past my boulder. and like Indiana Jones, escape this dark pit of writer's block (or maybe I should say writer's rock).
Speaking of Indiana Jones, I just started watching a wonderful little VeggieTales video called Lord Of The Beans.
"Meet our new Veggie Flobbit, Toto Baggypants, who inherits a bean with amazing powers from his Uncle Billboy. Together with Randalf, fearless ranger Ear-A-Corn, sharpshooting elf Log-O-Lamb, and surly dwarf Grumpy, Toto forms the Fellowship of the Bean and embarks on a dangerous quest to find the answer to his question - what is this incredible gift for? Across the Mountains of Much Snowia, to the Elders of the Razzberry Forest, through the Blue Gate into the desolate land of Woe -- in search of an answer."

Now this is some pretty epic storyline. I can't believe no one has ever thought of this before! Heh. Heh.

I did come up with a pretty good run-off myself a couple of years ago! My friends and I were talking, and we came up with. . . . (cue drum roll, dim the lights, and start inspirational music) . . . Lord of the Nacho Cheese Dip!!

Okay. It sounded pretty cool at the time. But here goes nothing. Frito, a corncobbit, and his sidekick Chancho would take this gigantic bowl full of nachos up the volcano of Dorito and throw the chips into the Jalapeño Fires of Caliente Pocket.
At the last second, Quesadilla, a corncobbit corrupted by the cheese dip, would try to rescue his preciosos from the hands of Frito and Chancho, He would fail miserably. Quesadilla and nacho cheese bowl would be cast into the Caliente Pocket Fires forever.

The Poster Design
By Michael and Friends
(Do they look German to you too?)

It's pretty desperate, but I think certain groups of people will really enjoy it. Watch for it in the box offices.


° 。 ° ˚* _Π_____*。*˚★ 。* 。*。 • ˚ ˚ •。★
˚ ˛ •˛•*/______/~\。˚ ˚ ˛★ 。* 。*★ 。* 。*
˚ ˛ •˛• | 田田|門| ˚

Monday, December 13, 2010

Have a Cup of Cheer

Why do I always get sick on the holidays? Perhaps it's all that contagious holiday cheer that's being passed around. Anyhow, today I got to spend a nice, relaxing time at home. Feeling like all my insides wanted to be on my outside. It's a truly enlightening experience. Speaking of enlightening experiences, I made cookies :) before I got sick... I must say, the recipe I use is amazing. Well, it's time for me to go and toss and turn in my bed for 10 hours. Goodnight!

Sunday, December 12, 2010


Better Brilliant

Sumptuous Stellar Stallions

Ravenous Rabid Ranchers

Festive Filling Fillets

Chilling Champion Chefs

Sweet Swell Salsa

Wet Wonderful Water

Intelligent Iconic Individuals

Diligent Drunk Dentists

Eloquent Elated Elephants

Thoughtful Thinking
Thank You

--♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪
----♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪
------♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪
----♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪
--♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Россия это есть!

Have you ever created a Russian name? It's strangely soothing to the mind to voice all of your anger into one word. The Russians have the coolest names. Tevye. Golde. Fyedke. Brhieghtaghzny. The last one I made up.


Now let's see how many pianos filled with molten lead I can throw through that three story window.
-Brian Regan

I also learned a fun French word to say from a Chinese book.

The end.

Monday, December 6, 2010

On the Magic School Bus...

E=MC^2. Or that's what my chemistry teacher says. My energy mostly comes from music, unicorns, and good food. Energy is an interesting thing. It can not be created or destroyed. Only converted. My energy seems to get converted all the time. When I start the day, I feel energized by the potential that the day brings. As I continue throughout the day, the energy seems to go up and down like a roller coaster. Seeing certain people gives me more energy. Seeing other people seems to drain my energy away like a thirsty mosquito. My math teacher is one of the people that drain me. She is quite an amazing math teacher. She knows her stuff better than any teacher I know. But she has this strange ability to drain the atmosphere of creative energy. And she converts all of that energy into numbers that dance in my head and make strange patterns on the board. I simply try to survive the class long enough that I understand the concept, then I succumb to the dancing numbers and let them carry me away. So now I propose another algorithm for energy. E=MCFS^2Π/WE
'M' is for music.
'C' is for cookies (that's good enough for meeee ♪♪).
'F' is for friends.
'S' squared is for seminary and sleep.
All divided by 'W'eek'E'nds.
And just a little bit of Π. (pi)
☺<--- attempted smiley face :)
What is your source of energy?

Friday, December 3, 2010

Welcome! Come on in! Please, Make Yourself Comfortable. Have a Cookie or Two. Relax.

Hello! I come in peace! Or, at least in pieces. I am quite excited to have started my own blog. It's kind of like a journal, well, a journal that the whole world can read. But nonetheless, this is my territory. Don't worry, I won't mark it. Unfortunately, I am not the most consistent journal writer. That falls to my twin sister. So this public diary may not have daily posts or even weekly posts. But I will keep this blog up and running. Or at least walking. Or maybe even crawling. At least it will still be in the race.
You may have realized by now that I enjoy to ramble. Maybe this blog should be called "How the Cookie Rambles." Rambling gets out my innermost thoughts and ideas. But I will try my best to contain my rambling while still making interesting, or at least tolerable posts. The world is a playground when you have a blog! (*add cheesy smile*) Although, if the world was a playground, there wouldn't be any ovens to make the cookies.
I do love cookies. Especially warm, chocolate chip cookies that are crispy around the edges and perfectly gooey in the center. Sounds good, right? A tall glass of milk makes the entire experience even better. Then add a cold December day and a warm home. Now we have a heavenly mixture that will brighten anyones life.
This is about it! I have just written my first blog post! The first blog post tends to set a theme for the entire blog. In this case, I probably will never come up with a determined topic. But that is fine with me. I enjoy talking about many things. I may use random analogies that make no sense. I will probably relate to cookies now and then. Don't worry, I will always be myself in here.
Who else could I be?
I would like to say a word before we part.
When someone says this you know that they will not stop after only a word. In fact they may continue rambling until your eyes glaze over and you start imagining large butterflies flitting in and out of the speakers ears. Unless that person is named Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore. Ah, what a cool guy. I wish I could shake his hand. Too bad he's dead. What was I saying? Oh yes! A word.
Thank you.
Or maybe just
Or Ciao.
--Ima Cook, E.